Our backs tell stories no books have the spine to carry

Neville and I weren’t dating, not really, no matter what our friends thought in their devious minds. We were just two friends, who spent some time together every now and then. Yes, he was caring and thoughtful and sweet to me, but that was just who he was- a genuinely good person. And I loved spending time with him, it was always as easy & natural as breathing. So, I could see how people could get the wrong idea here.

That night was no different than any other night… and yet, not the same. We planned to meet after work, I agreed to a late night out- which I usually
don’t. I figured that it had been a while since I let my hair down and do something outside my daily routine. So, what better than be in his company
while doing so. There was this new pub that he wanted to go to, and I was onboard for it.
There was a huge crowd, and it was a little noisy- not the kind of place I generally preferred- but I didn’t seem to mind. Any place was good, when I
was with him. I watched him, as he ordered drinks for us, studied his every move- the way he waved at the waiter, then placed his hands on the table, the smile he offered to the waiter. I just never got tired of watching him and all the little things that he did. Maybe it was coz he had a face that could turn all heads in a place, or coz I was one hell of a curious person, I thought to myself. Who cared about the reasons right now; when Neville was being a right gentleman, caring about my comfort even in the vicinity of the crowd.
He caught me staring at him, once, twice.. many times; giving me a warm smile each time our eyes met. I couldn’t help the “butterflies in my stomach” feeling that overtook me. This had never happened before. So.. what was so different today? What changed?
The waiter was back with our beers.
“I don’t drink.” I said, when he handed me one.
“You sure?” he said, with a grin on his face.
One bottle never hurt anyone, I reasoned with myself. Even though I had sworn off drinking nearly three years back, arguably for holistic health reasons.
“Well, what the hell.” I took the bottle from his hand. Tonight was about breaking usual monotony and getting rid of my crippling good girl inhibitions. I took a sip and then another, and then another. I’d forgotten how bad it tasted, and how good it felt.
Neville was a better drinker than I was, taking one bottle after another- which probably gave him the courage for what he did next. He shifted his chair closer to mine, leaned towards me… and whispered in my ear, something that I didn’t quite catch.
Embarrassed to confess that I didn’t get what he said, I merely placed my hand on his shoulder and made myself comfortable on his neck. We stayed
like that for a while, not talking, just enjoying the proximity we had. It was hot and humid, and a crowded place, yes. And we must have been sweating our pants off, but I didn’t mind. It seemed like neither did he.
And then the magic happened, he lifted my chin up to face him… lips closer than ever. I could feel his breath in mine, it smelled like beer, maybe so
did mine. The beer in my system had made me bold, I wanted him to kiss me, a proper knee-wobbling kiss. I closed my eyes in anticipation. But the kiss did not come. Instead he brought his lips close to my ear and said, “Let’s get out of here.”
I willingly obliged and took his hand, waiting silently as he paid the waiter.After as he paid the waiter, there was something different about our walk back to his apartment. Something had changed- familiar yet alien. We were treading on a new territory now. People talk about those magical moments, where there’s just you and that someone, and everything else is just a blurry background… well, I was having one of those moments right then. There was something magical about us taking a
walk, our hands intertwined. It was late, probably past midnight, and yet I felt like time had not moved at all. The night sky, the silence, the sweet breeze- everything made the ambience somewhat inviting. Time and again, I felt him draw closer to me- a light brush of his arm on mine, a soft caress of his fingers on the back of my hand. I could feel my heart skip a beat, my cheeks flush; over his small intimate gestures.

We reached his apartment soon enough. He gave me a sheepish grin as I walked in, still holding his hand.. and my cheeks flushed for no reason. The
last little part of me- that maybe, somehow wanted to just up & leave all this- was gone as I saw his coy smile, my non-existent resolve faded with it.
He drew closer to me, his hands on my hips.. and so came the previous moment again- the almost liplock we had back at the pub.
With our lips now a breath away, his cologne unnerving my senses- one that was minty and malty and so ‘him’, I couldn’t wait any longer. My hands
found their place in his hair, as I brought his lips into mine. It was a soft brush of lips at the beginning that slowly turned into a fierce battle for
dominance. Never in my life had I been kissed like that- fiercely and gently at the same time. We broke off our kiss, when the lack of air became too
much to bear. He placed soft kisses on my neck; and I held onto him, my legs around his hips as he easily carried me up in his arms and pressed
against the wall. I then felt his hand inside my shirt, working it’s way to the clasp of my bra. A chill ran up and down my spine, as he grazed my
nipple with his callous fingers. I couldn’t get enough of him, all these new sensations overwhelming me, when he stopped his advances all at once. I glanced at him, a little annoyed, by his action or the lack of it *chuckle*. He gave me a wink and began walking, with me in his arms, probably towards the bedroom. I giggled as I hid my face in his neck and breathed him in, waiting nervously for whatever was to come next.

The following morning locked away, all the beautiful moments from the night before, in the vault of past; with an unspoken agreement that we had with each other. “Let’s keep this to ourselves..”

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Be Brave and Strong and as Dean Winchester would say “Get your shit together.. we have some ass to kick”😂

Everybody has this particular moment in their life, at least once, when you question yourself -Are you living the life YOU envisioned for yourself ? Are you who you wanted to be when you grew up?
You may have had control on all the major events of your life for a particular span of time, be it your eluding job, or a health issue, or a broken heart, or some kind of loss. You have this sense of security , a good feeling that you can get through anything.. That you’re invincible. That’s when the bubble pops, and everything comes crashing down.
What’s easy won’t last. No one lives with their FIRSTS throughout their lives. So, you’re perfectly pragmatic Plan A didn’t work out. But that’s just how it is. There isn’t anyone who hasn’t resorted to Plan B or C or D, once in a while. And, thank God, there is a Plan B. You’ll need it when everything falls apart.
They say that the Universe doesn’t give you more than you can handle, like it somehow knows. Knows just how much you can take, knows what’s best for you. Well.. Spoiler alert – It doesn’t. But You Do. You know what’s best for you.No one else is walking in your shoes. So just listen to You. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself. Realize that some pretty amazing things are coming your way. Give Time some Time. Just go with the flow for once, even though you are someone who always likes to be in control. Have faith that life is turning out to be as it should.
Remind Yourself : Even if the Universe has chosen a different path for you , take it. You have the upper – hand.
Maybe You’d wanted Plan A to work out forever for you. But you see that in life,”Uncertainty” is inevitable.” So, sometimes.. Just sometimes, Plan B could be the best thing that ever happened to you. And one day.. all of your struggles, your troubles, your pain won’t seem so… Big.
So, to sum it up, All I would say is “When life hands you a lemon,  prepare lemonade.”No matter, how hard things can be, it will be just another chapter in your life, one that gave you some important life lessons, and one that you can leave behind. So, LET GO AND MOVE FORWARD.

Bittersweet Anecdote

Choosing to write a new book or simply closing the previous one, is both exciting and difficult. You are carrying a buck load of emotions in your suitcase. You are excited to move to a new city, nervous about meeting new faces and also exploring the gracious opportunities that the new city is waiting to offer you.
Making a place feel like “home” takes time. It is definitely a slow but exhilarating process because you are dealing with the ‘unknown’. Even though ignorance is bliss- knowing always surpasses the not knowing deal.
Every move in the new place brings in a lot of instigation and dramatic experiences.
In your heart, you still feel an emptiness ,you move on. You realize you’re no longer a tourist, but in fact the guide, who will guide your own-self towards new open doors. Slowly you befriend your neighbour. You learn the secret side streets to avoid traffic.
During those miserable days when you got some overarching judgements to support your thoughts,”Oh God, I am not going to live here any longer.”
You are nostalgic when you flip through the memories of your home town or your previous city. You realise how hard it is to take care of yourself. At the end of the day, you can sense the actual silence at home. Sometimes being home alone at night is a downer. It’s hard knowing that you are no longer sharing your day’s adventure with your friends and family. You face loneliness as well as boredom.
Among all pros and cons, living in a new city is an eye opener. You discover your true self, no longer shadowed by the love and care of your dear ones. You are able to overcome your internal fear. In short, “It takes courage to be independent.”
Now you may have a best friend or you might have been dumped by your boyfriend. But it is so rewarding to realize that now you can run on your own without holding on to anyone.
Each day when you are overcoming your fear, you also know that your family is there for you through thick and thin. This new city comes as a blessing to you, provides you with life essentials – best friends, a loving boyfriend and of course , a job. You couldn’t be gifted with these people by sitting at the four walls of your home.
All those doubts about every single thing -> your friends, job, your apartment are eventually cleared.
You are now a self reliant woman, building up new connections and network. You are more confident. You’ve become adaptable ,open -minded and you embrace changes that are unchangeable. You start discovering answers to your psychological questions: what your true passion is, where does your actual happiness lie and what is the true purpose of your life. You are now emotionally connected to the new city in a short span of time. You count the number of years you’ve been away from your family. Every new city becomes a new love affair.
In the process of adapting yourself to the new city you realize the truth behind what your Principal said, “Freedom lies with Responsibility”
Now you are so addicted to the exuberance of discovering new things , experience new adventures that all of a sudden you feel the urge to move again, to keep up the feeling of liveliness, excitement and joy.