Let Go Of F-A-R-T

I slammed the door shut and locked it behind me.
“I’m not listening to anything you say.” I yelled to no one in particular; and crawled between my bears and dolls… furious.
After a while.. I heard a knock at the door.
“What?” I said, angrily.
“Open the door, please. I have something to tell you.” He said.
“No.”
I got no reply to my denial.. and thought he was gone.
After a few minutes ticked by, I unlocked the door and looked out. I was right… he wasn’t there.
I turned my head towards the right and found him leaning on the wall… grinning like an idiot for no reason.
“What happened?” I asked angrily.
What I got in return was the sound of a big loud fart. Once. Twice. Three times.
I could no longer stay angry or hold my laughter. So I joined him in and started laughing out loudly. Never in my life had I laughed so hard with mascara running down my cheeks.
Needless to say, there was no longer anger in the air.
He laughed. I laughed. All was good.

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Faith Crisis

“Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (Which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).Every now and then, we also wonder where God is through all the unfairness and cruelty and inequity in the world.

But Nowhere is it written exactly that if you do this or that, that everything in your life’s gonna be fair and good. Isaac went blind and then his child betrayed him? And where was the fairness when Sara had to wait 99 years before she had a child, and God said, “Sacrifice him”? And Moses couldn’t even get past the bouncer to the Promised Land.

In the course of one day, Job received four messages, each with separate news that his livestock, servants, and 10 children had all died.

“Why have you forsaken me”, Job asked the question too.

He lost his farms, lost the animals, lost his children, lost his wife. Job lost everything. And he felt that God had abandoned him, deserted him, and Job was angry with God and even raged at God.

Our situations, doubts are a metaphor to where is God, throughout Job’ sufferings and pain? Is God still winning a bet with Satan?

Are you with me, God?

Psalms 22:1 “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?” Exactly what Christ cried on the cross, a manifestation of what Christ took on Him what is ours? He spoke for us.

We, as humans, also experience Abandonment, desertion and being forsaken by God. These are drenched with the feelings of sadness, confusion, anger and rage. But these feelings are all normal, and it’s OKAY to vent all these feelings as Jesus did on the cross.

It is acceptable for you and me to feel as King David did. It’s Okay to feel like David, Okay to feel like Job and its Okay to feel like Jesus.

Like Jesus clinging to God with all his power, with both hands, and at the same time, shouting his inner feelings up to God.

We are invited to do the same. Cling to God with both hands and shout our inner feelings to God in the highest.

But the drama doesn’t end there, with depression, defeat, exhaustion.

What we see is only a clip, the movie isn’t completed. The clip is only a puzzle; it still needs time and patience to be solved.

Job’s faith was tested, and he passed the test. He continued to be a faithful servant. He persevered. And for his faith, God rewarded Job with twice what he had before.

Job’s feelings of abandonment were not his last words. He wrote at the end of his book, “I know that my redeemer lives.”

King David wrote the 22nd Psalm, “My God my God, why have you forsaken me.” , But he also wrote the next psalm, the 23rd psalm, “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.” The 22nd psalm was not his last word.

Jesus’ last words were “It is accomplished. It is finished. It is done.” He also said, “Into your hands I commit my spirit.” Likewise, Easter always trumps Good Friday.

God’s not indifferent to our pain. Isaiah 43:2 says,” When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.” And God can and will heal you of every disaster that befalls you.

Mathew 27:46

“It was three o’clock on Friday afternoon. Jesus had been hanging on the cross for three hours on the darkest day of the year. Suddenly or slowly, his voice penetrated the skies with a shriek and he cried, “Eloi, Eloi, lama Sabachthani.” My strong God, my strong God, why have you abandoned me.”

P.S. And those were not his last words from the cross. Amen.

Of Regrets and Changed Perspectives

 

WHAT – IF ? MAYBES,
COULD HAVE, SHOULD HAVE,
WOULD HAVE,
DID NOT

 

Like A coin  , there are two sides to the above phrases

The first side: the negative emotions, focusing on how things could have been if they were any different. What you could have done… How you could have made a difference.
The second side, the positive lesson we can take from it: Seeing if there is an opportunity to fix things. The kind of failure that inspires you to do better the next time, to not repeat the same mistake again.
What I wish to share with you guys today, isn’t some newfound epiphany… but something that we all know… but never really gave much weight to it.
Few weeks back, I met a lady whotold me about her vacation to Andaman. I expected her to share some amazing and delightful adventures of her time there, but what she did share was the regret that she had to have chosen Andaman instead of somewhere like Europe.The reason for such a choice had an astrological twist. She didn’t own a passport, because she really believed in astrology and once an astrologer foretold her that she would never get an opportunity to go abroad. Just believing that to be the truth of her life, she just accepted that and never applied for a passport. And what did that leave her with? Regret of what could have been…
This is just a very small example of what most of us practice in our day-to-day life as well. Haven’t we done the same in our lives every now and then? Missed opportunities, or just turned the other way coz that was easier or coz that made more sense. We, as humans, have always prioritized others’ opinions more than our heart’s calling. Coz that makes more sense, coz deep down we’re afraid to know the consequences of following our heart.
Imagine yourself in a situation, where you heard that you only have a few days to live. How would you spend it? Are those days enough to do everything that you’ve always wanted to do??

Life is then put in perspective. You finally realize what matters and what doesn’t.
All these questions come to your mind: “Has your life been worth living? Were you happy? Did you spend your life doing what you love? With the people you love? Did you make the most of this terrifying but beautiful and totally messed up life?”
Do you even want to know the answers to these questions?
Life is too precious… to have regrets, to have questions, to waste time doing anything less than what makes us happy.
Yes, there will always be reasons to not do something. It will always be easier to turn your head the other way than to face the real thing. But along with that, there will also always be the regret of not doing it in the first place.
And “what if?” is the most painful thing that you are made to ask yourself.

Remember, failure always beats the hell out of never trying it in the first place.
Life will always, always.. always have it’s ups and downs. It will always have people who try to bring you down. It will always be another obstacle to go through. But never forget, that it will also always be beautiful. It will also always be the best thing there is… and it will also always be worth fighting for.
My advice, get out of your comfort zone… the sky is the limit. Do everything that you can and want to do. Try out all the flavours of ice-cream there is, take the weekend off and just do something crazy. Buy that little black dress that you’ve been eyeing for a long time but never bought it coz it was way above your payroll.
Because we only get one life. And it is our duty to live it to the fullest and the best way that we can.

People Like You

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To be honest, I was reluctant when I first entered the year 2017. I did not wish to accept change, had it not been for the people around me, I would not be who I am today . I earnestly thank God , for the people around me. I owe an endless amount of gratitude to those fabulous people in my crazy life.

To the strangers..

Funny thing is neither of us know each other, but every morning when I find my way into the dreadful crowded local trains, they fill me with day’s vigour . Thank you to the girl who made my important examination day least stressful. To the stranger’s compliment who brought a positive change to my mood for the day. I just wanted to say “thank you”. Thank you people, for being a hero of my day with the little random act of kindness you had to offer me or people around me.

To my family…

One who have been my constant support systems I have had throughout the year. Thank you for supporting me and embracing me through all challenges, hurdles and battles. Thank you for being with me through tough times and celebrating with me through exciting times as well.

To my roommates, old and new , thank you for putting up with all my weird acts and phases of my crazy emotions, all of my mood swings. Thank you for making me laugh, encouraging me to continue on, through tea and coffee dates, late night chats and snacks and of course letting me the freedom of being a proper “ME” by putting up with all my nonsense .

Work has always been pretty crazy, but thank you for every little support I got from my colleagues.

To my best friends,

thank you for choosing me to be in Your life , thank you for all the late night bitching. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for existing.

To the person who only left me a lasting fond memory this year. Thank you for helping me realize the hidden wonders in me. Thank you , for making me realize that sometimes I fall too quickly and need to let go off things to look at the grand scheme of things.

To the girl who polished all of my blogs I came up with.

To my fairy tale prince, who made my date with Neville, a wonderful piece of art.

To all those beautiful strong women, who inspires and motivates me every day. Thank you ladies.

To the people who made my night outs memorable and worth. Thank you ,You people have changed my entire perspective towards life. Hats off to all those cheerful faces that carry a tale within themselves. God bless you with all the blessings and happiness .

To the special person who made every effort to be with me through thick and thin. Thank You Rebin.

To the one who accepted me as his partner in TT and carom , though he always had a doubt that we may end up losing. 😂😂

To an enchanting personality who made most of my evenings just memorable, who constantly pulls my legs. Cheers to all those conversations we made through each traffic drives. You always saw the best in me and constantly motivated me.. lots of love💓💓 to you as well!!

To the dude whose curiosity to know my introvert nature, became one of my best buddy. To you neighbor, who had the patience to wait for me to open up n listen to me during every three hour long walk we’ve always had. Thanks yeah Friend.💞💞

None of the least, to my bestie, who is overflowing with so much optimism and goodness, one who brought so much of love, hope and blessings in my life, the one with whom I can laugh horribly, even at my worst times. My dancing partner, I can just be too crazy and weird with you. Your presence in life is enough to lighten anybody’s world.. Thank You Love, Riona❣️❣️

So, Do NoT Forget to give thanks to the people who have contributed to your 2017, because they will also be your new hope for 2018.

Wish you all a very splendid New Year ahead!! 😉🤗

tis the Season🎄

Some years back In Kolkata, not being home for Christmas was difficult. I was missing home terribly until somebody told me ,” Christmas is all about You and Him” And I pondered whaaat?? Christmas is about Jesus. Its about spending a wonderful time with family.

Often when I ponder upon his words, it reminds me that Christmas is all about love, as the Foundation of all giving, Christmas gifts become about You, about your celebration through us of the moment – to- moment birth of Christ within.It is much more than a time of buying and exchanging presents.

Remember, the three magi placed the gifts at the feet of Jesus. These trinity of gifts were Your gifts through the Magi( wise men) celebrating the manifestation of Life, Truth and Love through Christ.

Christmas revolves around what You and I are doing within us through Christ for each other. As Jesus, came to the world because he really loved you, he died on the cross for our sins to lighten our load. Similarly, today we are the giver, we are the present day Magi bearing gifts celebrating the Divine Nature ,within each other. However, simple or profound the gift, there is one Holy Purpose for giving to bear gifts in celebration of the Christ within.
Ti’s is a season of joy and wonder, its a season to be concerned for those who are in need of spiritual , material or mental help. We should do what we can.
It wholeheartedly reminds me that I am to love , care for , and help those who may or may not care for me.

John 15:9 – “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.”

Wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a happy new year.🎊🎄💞

Our backs tell stories no books have the spine to carry

Neville and I weren’t dating, not really, no matter what our friends thought in their devious minds. We were just two friends, who spent some time together every now and then. Yes, he was caring and thoughtful and sweet to me, but that was just who he was- a genuinely good person. And I loved spending time with him, it was always as easy & natural as breathing. So, I could see how people could get the wrong idea here.

That night was no different than any other night… and yet, not the same. We planned to meet after work, I agreed to a late night out- which I usually
don’t. I figured that it had been a while since I let my hair down and do something outside my daily routine. So, what better than be in his company
while doing so. There was this new pub that he wanted to go to, and I was onboard for it.
There was a huge crowd, and it was a little noisy- not the kind of place I generally preferred- but I didn’t seem to mind. Any place was good, when I
was with him. I watched him, as he ordered drinks for us, studied his every move- the way he waved at the waiter, then placed his hands on the table, the smile he offered to the waiter. I just never got tired of watching him and all the little things that he did. Maybe it was coz he had a face that could turn all heads in a place, or coz I was one hell of a curious person, I thought to myself. Who cared about the reasons right now; when Neville was being a right gentleman, caring about my comfort even in the vicinity of the crowd.
He caught me staring at him, once, twice.. many times; giving me a warm smile each time our eyes met. I couldn’t help the “butterflies in my stomach” feeling that overtook me. This had never happened before. So.. what was so different today? What changed?
The waiter was back with our beers.
“I don’t drink.” I said, when he handed me one.
“You sure?” he said, with a grin on his face.
One bottle never hurt anyone, I reasoned with myself. Even though I had sworn off drinking nearly three years back, arguably for holistic health reasons.
“Well, what the hell.” I took the bottle from his hand. Tonight was about breaking usual monotony and getting rid of my crippling good girl inhibitions. I took a sip and then another, and then another. I’d forgotten how bad it tasted, and how good it felt.
Neville was a better drinker than I was, taking one bottle after another- which probably gave him the courage for what he did next. He shifted his chair closer to mine, leaned towards me… and whispered in my ear, something that I didn’t quite catch.
Embarrassed to confess that I didn’t get what he said, I merely placed my hand on his shoulder and made myself comfortable on his neck. We stayed
like that for a while, not talking, just enjoying the proximity we had. It was hot and humid, and a crowded place, yes. And we must have been sweating our pants off, but I didn’t mind. It seemed like neither did he.
And then the magic happened, he lifted my chin up to face him… lips closer than ever. I could feel his breath in mine, it smelled like beer, maybe so
did mine. The beer in my system had made me bold, I wanted him to kiss me, a proper knee-wobbling kiss. I closed my eyes in anticipation. But the kiss did not come. Instead he brought his lips close to my ear and said, “Let’s get out of here.”
I willingly obliged and took his hand, waiting silently as he paid the waiter.After as he paid the waiter, there was something different about our walk back to his apartment. Something had changed- familiar yet alien. We were treading on a new territory now. People talk about those magical moments, where there’s just you and that someone, and everything else is just a blurry background… well, I was having one of those moments right then. There was something magical about us taking a
walk, our hands intertwined. It was late, probably past midnight, and yet I felt like time had not moved at all. The night sky, the silence, the sweet breeze- everything made the ambience somewhat inviting. Time and again, I felt him draw closer to me- a light brush of his arm on mine, a soft caress of his fingers on the back of my hand. I could feel my heart skip a beat, my cheeks flush; over his small intimate gestures.

We reached his apartment soon enough. He gave me a sheepish grin as I walked in, still holding his hand.. and my cheeks flushed for no reason. The
last little part of me- that maybe, somehow wanted to just up & leave all this- was gone as I saw his coy smile, my non-existent resolve faded with it.
He drew closer to me, his hands on my hips.. and so came the previous moment again- the almost liplock we had back at the pub.
With our lips now a breath away, his cologne unnerving my senses- one that was minty and malty and so ‘him’, I couldn’t wait any longer. My hands
found their place in his hair, as I brought his lips into mine. It was a soft brush of lips at the beginning that slowly turned into a fierce battle for
dominance. Never in my life had I been kissed like that- fiercely and gently at the same time. We broke off our kiss, when the lack of air became too
much to bear. He placed soft kisses on my neck; and I held onto him, my legs around his hips as he easily carried me up in his arms and pressed
against the wall. I then felt his hand inside my shirt, working it’s way to the clasp of my bra. A chill ran up and down my spine, as he grazed my
nipple with his callous fingers. I couldn’t get enough of him, all these new sensations overwhelming me, when he stopped his advances all at once. I glanced at him, a little annoyed, by his action or the lack of it *chuckle*. He gave me a wink and began walking, with me in his arms, probably towards the bedroom. I giggled as I hid my face in his neck and breathed him in, waiting nervously for whatever was to come next.

The following morning locked away, all the beautiful moments from the night before, in the vault of past; with an unspoken agreement that we had with each other. “Let’s keep this to ourselves..”

Be Brave and Strong and as Dean Winchester would say “Get your shit together.. we have some ass to kick”😂

Everybody has this particular moment in their life, at least once, when you question yourself -Are you living the life YOU envisioned for yourself ? Are you who you wanted to be when you grew up?
You may have had control on all the major events of your life for a particular span of time, be it your eluding job, or a health issue, or a broken heart, or some kind of loss. You have this sense of security , a good feeling that you can get through anything.. That you’re invincible. That’s when the bubble pops, and everything comes crashing down.
What’s easy won’t last. No one lives with their FIRSTS throughout their lives. So, you’re perfectly pragmatic Plan A didn’t work out. But that’s just how it is. There isn’t anyone who hasn’t resorted to Plan B or C or D, once in a while. And, thank God, there is a Plan B. You’ll need it when everything falls apart.
They say that the Universe doesn’t give you more than you can handle, like it somehow knows. Knows just how much you can take, knows what’s best for you. Well.. Spoiler alert – It doesn’t. But You Do. You know what’s best for you.No one else is walking in your shoes. So just listen to You. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself. Realize that some pretty amazing things are coming your way. Give Time some Time. Just go with the flow for once, even though you are someone who always likes to be in control. Have faith that life is turning out to be as it should.
Remind Yourself : Even if the Universe has chosen a different path for you , take it. You have the upper – hand.
Maybe You’d wanted Plan A to work out forever for you. But you see that in life,”Uncertainty” is inevitable.” So, sometimes.. Just sometimes, Plan B could be the best thing that ever happened to you. And one day.. all of your struggles, your troubles, your pain won’t seem so… Big.
So, to sum it up, All I would say is “When life hands you a lemon,  prepare lemonade.”No matter, how hard things can be, it will be just another chapter in your life, one that gave you some important life lessons, and one that you can leave behind. So, LET GO AND MOVE FORWARD.

Bittersweet Anecdote

Choosing to write a new book or simply closing the previous one, is both exciting and difficult. You are carrying a buck load of emotions in your suitcase. You are excited to move to a new city, nervous about meeting new faces and also exploring the gracious opportunities that the new city is waiting to offer you.
Making a place feel like “home” takes time. It is definitely a slow but exhilarating process because you are dealing with the ‘unknown’. Even though ignorance is bliss- knowing always surpasses the not knowing deal.
Every move in the new place brings in a lot of instigation and dramatic experiences.
In your heart, you still feel an emptiness ,you move on. You realize you’re no longer a tourist, but in fact the guide, who will guide your own-self towards new open doors. Slowly you befriend your neighbour. You learn the secret side streets to avoid traffic.
During those miserable days when you got some overarching judgements to support your thoughts,”Oh God, I am not going to live here any longer.”
You are nostalgic when you flip through the memories of your home town or your previous city. You realise how hard it is to take care of yourself. At the end of the day, you can sense the actual silence at home. Sometimes being home alone at night is a downer. It’s hard knowing that you are no longer sharing your day’s adventure with your friends and family. You face loneliness as well as boredom.
Among all pros and cons, living in a new city is an eye opener. You discover your true self, no longer shadowed by the love and care of your dear ones. You are able to overcome your internal fear. In short, “It takes courage to be independent.”
Now you may have a best friend or you might have been dumped by your boyfriend. But it is so rewarding to realize that now you can run on your own without holding on to anyone.
Each day when you are overcoming your fear, you also know that your family is there for you through thick and thin. This new city comes as a blessing to you, provides you with life essentials – best friends, a loving boyfriend and of course , a job. You couldn’t be gifted with these people by sitting at the four walls of your home.
All those doubts about every single thing -> your friends, job, your apartment are eventually cleared.
You are now a self reliant woman, building up new connections and network. You are more confident. You’ve become adaptable ,open -minded and you embrace changes that are unchangeable. You start discovering answers to your psychological questions: what your true passion is, where does your actual happiness lie and what is the true purpose of your life. You are now emotionally connected to the new city in a short span of time. You count the number of years you’ve been away from your family. Every new city becomes a new love affair.
In the process of adapting yourself to the new city you realize the truth behind what your Principal said, “Freedom lies with Responsibility”
Now you are so addicted to the exuberance of discovering new things , experience new adventures that all of a sudden you feel the urge to move again, to keep up the feeling of liveliness, excitement and joy.